uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
