It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
