All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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