I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
