I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
