it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
