Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
