i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
