the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
