I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
