it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he was CRYING into my vagina
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
