I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i was born a porn star she said
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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