I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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