I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
