i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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