dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
