Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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