I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
