The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
