I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
