imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
