my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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