Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
