he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
