So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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