I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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