Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
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Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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