Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
