Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
