Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The adults are the big ones right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
