Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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