just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
