i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
