You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I intend to get homeless drunk
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
