Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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