Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
