I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
