You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
