I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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