If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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