the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
