Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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