her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
