Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
