: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize