So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
