My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
