i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
