he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
