Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize