Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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