I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
