Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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