smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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