I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
