That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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