I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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