I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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