im drinking this country out of the recession.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
