Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
