I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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