Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
