I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love you. Go after that dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
