remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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