Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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