when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
