omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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