thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is not my ceiling
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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