I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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