i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
