He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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